Why IVF?

I get asked this question A LOT, or I get asked, “How did you know you were ready for IVF?”. The answer is very simple: we didn’t.

We just knew that the heartache was far greater and more detrimental after almost a year of trying and no luck than the risks and/or cons that came with IVF. I do have to say that I was completely against IVF up until Thanksgiving 2022. I incorrectly thought that if we went the IVF route, we’d be taking things into our own hands and trying to “play God.” I also felt an enormous amount of SHAME around IVF. To be perfectly clear, I never judged women or thought it was shameful for them if they went that route. I admired them and thought they were tough. But for some reason, I couldn’t wrap my head around it, especially since we had no problem getting pregnant with Mary Kate. Now that I’m standing where I’m standing, I wish I could go back and shake myself and tell her there is so much bravery in going through IVF and that it’s truly a GIFT and not something to be ashamed of. 

If you are new to the site or our story, Ryan and I lost MK in December 2021. We had to wait 3-4 months before we could start trying for more children so that I could properly heal from my delivery, loss, and D&C for my placenta to ensure I didn’t have an infection. From that period up until Thanksgiving 2022 – almost a year after our loss, we tried DESPERATELY to conceive again with no luck. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests drove us to a very dark place. Losing a child + longing for more + not being able to conceive on your terms is extremely devastating and just cruel, especially when it seems to be happening for literally EVERYONE else around you. I know social media can be wonderful but this is one of the drawbacks when you’re in the thick of grief and/or infertility. 

Because Ryan and I were desperate, even before Thanksgiving, we had started to see a fertility doctor “just in case”. I also started to see a functional medicine doctor and I CANNOT recommend this enough. I will detail my functional medicine approach to fertility and hormone healing in a separate post here.

NOTE: I wish I had done this testing a few months after losing MK. I was COMPLETELY OUT OF WHACK ever since delivering her, and had I known this information sooner, I could have resolved these deficiencies and genuinely believe I could have conceived again on our own. But again, by the time I had done this, I was mentally too far gone, too brokenhearted to wait a few more months. Another note: IVF doesn’t guarantee pregnancy. It can take multiple rounds, and I knew this; I just thought it gave us the best shot, and it did. 

That leads me to my next point: there are a lot of factors to consider with IVF. The obvious one is that it is NOT cheap, and most insurance companies are SCROOGES and consider it an elective surgery. There is nothing elective about IVF. Second, it is A LOT on your body, especially if you’re someone like me who refuses even to take Tylenol, to have to go to taking several different injections and antibiotics multiple times a day. 

I do want to say, it really wasn’t as bad as I hyped it all up to be. I was so excited at the thought of being pregnant again at the end of the process that none of this bothered me that much. My husband’s football and travel schedule was so tough that he rarely was around to help me take my injections at the time I needed to, so I got really good at taking them myself. 

Make sure you both (you and your partner, if that’s relevant) are on the same page. Luckily, my roomie was very on board with whatever it took to get pregnant, so the decision was easy for him. 

We didn’t have any answers as to why we couldn’t get pregnant. Ryan's sperm count was excellent, and I had a normal AMH level for a woman 30+. There was no leftover damage or scar tissue that could be seen from my previous loss and D&C. I didn’t have PCOS or endometriosis. I could go on, but every test we ran came back “normal,” and so we were just stuck with a “secondary Infertility” diagnosis, which nearly drove us both to insanity. Actually… It drove us past insanity. 

Transfer Day!

All of this to say, I would do IVF 1000 times over again because it led to the two most beautiful baby boys we get to call ours. From someone who used to disregard IVF completely because I thought it meant “playing God” and admitting failure as a woman who couldn’t do what she was biologically designed to do, I wish I go back and shake sense into myself. IVF IS A GIFT. A wonderful, wonderful gift. 

I know now that this is where God led my husband and me. God has given all of the medical staff the ability to perform these tasks in helping women get pregnant. Sometimes, some of us (actually a lot of us if you look up infertility stats in today’s world) just need a little extra help, and THAT IS OKAY! 

My body didn’t fail me. My body is amazing, and I’m so proud of everything she did to protect my daughter for as long as she could and to protect and grow my sons the way that she did! 

One last piece of advice: You should find the right doctor(s) for you! Someone you are comfortable with and trust and provides you PEACE. In my experience, when doctors or facilities are referred to as the “best” they’re more than likely referring to their success rates, not their bedside manner if you’re someone who needs a nurturing provider, PLEASE voice that in your consultation unless you’re someone who just cares about the end result, which is perfectly okay!